Artsy? Yes :)

So…I have decided that I am an artsy person. How did I come to this conclusion? Not only by who I am, what I like to do, and how I think, but there are a lot of things that I have really been wanting to do, and have been on my mind. You could kind of call me a hippie or tree-hugger, but I don’t like that. It’s different. I guess the best name for it would be…… Casey Renae

Here’s what I have been wanting to do:

Get a sewing machine and learn to sew my own clothes; have a garden when I’m married; get a whole new wardrobe, including hats and accessories, from places like Anthropologie and Fossil; possibly take some yoga classes; learn how to play an instrument or two (either the guitar or violin); aaaaaand…paint more.

As of now, that’s a start on my list. But you catch my drift. That’s just who I am.

 

Analysis? Boooo…

So…this is the picture I have chosen to write an analysis on in College English. I love it, but I wish I had deeper thoughts with it. Anyone have any ideas? ‘Twould be appreciated muchly! The title and such is below…

Girl with Pearl Earring by Johannes Vermeer, 1665-1667

 

Broken, This is What I Gotta Do…

1 Peter 3: 8-9

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

Wow… so I read this in my quiet time last night and it really hit me. I know God has commanded us to love our enemies, but I guess I never really grasped this concept. Why is this so hard? You don’t realize it’s hard until you have personally experienced the pain and hurt that your enemies bring to your life, like I have.

For so long, I guess you could say I have somewhat been under the “control” of someone else. Controlling how good my day would be, how well I would do in practice, what my attitude would be, etc. I couldn’t ever stand up for myself because I believed every insult and every harsh word this person would throw at me day after day. Crying in the bathroom at school at lunch got old after a while and dreading just being in the same room as them was getting over the top.

I can’t even begin to explain and tell you all the countless silent battles that have occurred. It’s too much.

Sitting here writing this I can’t even count how many conversations I have came up with in my head, telling myself each time, ‘Come on Casey, today is the day. Just do it! Stop being a wuss and put them in their place!’ Every time I hit rock bottom. But I just never could seem to do it. So I decided to take another path. To apologize for anything I did to deserve this from them. So I did. I apologized and said I didn’t want it to be like that any longer. It seemed to me as though maybe that had done the trick! I thought things would get better.

It wasn’t but one year that it started up again. Gradually I seemed to be wearing down on the inside as this kept up everyday. So, I decided, onto Plan B: Ignore them. This was difficult at the least. It was near impossible, actually. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I almost exploded. But I have learned that I have good self-control and I am stronger than even I thought, so……no explosion ever occurred. Tiny firecrackers went off, but never the whole shebang. It just wasn’t/isn’t in me.

So this is where I stand. I have been beaten down. I have been kicked to the ground. I have taken every shot from every angle for so long.

What has resulted from this? I am strong. People can’t decide for me how I’m going to live. How I see myself. That’s all me. Every night that I was mentally and emotionally desperate, I would go to the throne. Broken, weary, and bruised, I would crawl into my Father’s arms. As I was. He gave me my peace. He gave me my strength. He loved on me and adored me and cherished me. Into His presence, I would be restored. He never failed. He was constant. He saw my pain and my suffering and replaced it with tenderness, care, and above all, an unconditional love.

I guess after going through all that, I looked at that verse last night and my first reaction was like, ‘Wow God, seriously? After ALL this? You know what I’ve been through. You know what they’ve done to me. How could this be possible?’ But he stopped me. I had to throw away my pride and what I wanted to do and tune into what my God was calling me to do…

So, this is where I am. I don’t quite know how things will turn out, and I don’t really know how they will react, but I know this is what I’ve been commanded to do. And I have also been commanded to obey. So that’s precisely what I’ll do. It’s going to be hard, and it might take some time, but I know I must not seek revenge, but give love. Forgiveness is such a difficult concept to grasp when things like this happen to us. Our grace we have within us is so imperfect, while the perfect God of this universe showers it mercifully everyday without ceasing. So when I start to complain or think, ‘Surely I’m not supposed to have mercy on someone like this,’ I remember the sinless man who came to earth and died for the people who spit on him. For the people who beat him. For the people who betrayed him.

…For this person in my life who has for so long torn me apart…

And that’s all it takes. I know what I’m called to do. To be like Christ. In every way. So call me crazy, but I’m doing this.

 

Australia

So the other night, Rachel calls me up and asks if I want to go to the Hillsong Conference in 2010 with her…in Australia! I was like, woah, that sounds awesome and overwhelming at the same time. I definitely put that on my thinking list. It didn’t take much thought or prayer to realize that God was opening this door really wide for me. This conference was supposed to be an amazing experience with breakout groups for the creative spirit and a wonderful time of worship. Great leaders will be there and the Hillsong church is doing great things in many lives everyday.

I have never been out of the country, yet I have the travelers heart. I am adventurous and want to go and do and explore! So, I decided a couple days ago that I was going to go! After talking with Rachel and kind of getting things together, I am getting so excited. This is truly going to be an awesome trip. Although I don’t know how God will provide financially, he has already provided spiritually to prepare me for this. I therefore surrender that obstacle to him with faith and peace.

If you read this, I ask that you please keep Rachel and I in your prayers as we prepare for and go on this amazing journey! God is so great–greater than we could ever know, and this opportunity he is putting in front of me is definitely not being passed up. I can’t wait!

 

Moonlight Sonata

If you have never heard Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, go somewhere quiet and peaceful, and just sit and listen to this beautiful piece of wonder. You can hear in the song the passion Beethoven had for his work. You can feel the wonder he has for the majesty in this world. You can feel the love he pours into this melody. His heart is simply this song.

Yes, we all know he was deaf–

WAIT…deaf. DEAF. There is no way you can just absorb this marvel. One of the greatest composers and pianists in history overcame being DEAF!!! That blows me away!!! I can’t imagine how he felt while playing such wonderful songs like Moonlight Sonata. To hear it is awe-striking as it is. But to compose it and never experience it like we do, that’s a different story.

I realized while listening to this and thinking of the life Beethoven had, I now know that any feeling we get when we listen to any of his works will never compare to what he felt when he played them. To be deaf and write one of the most beautiful melodies ever, Beethoven had to have seen and heard something in his heart that we could never understand with our ears.

This just sets my mind into amazement.

Now go ahead, listen to it. I dare you…

 

Endings

What is the most common thing in the world today? It’s indirect, unintentional, and often looked over. What is it? Endings. Every movie has to end, every road trip must arrive somewhere. Every day turns into night when the sun goes away, every game has a winner and a loser. The list goes on and on. Everything we are familiar with and know eventually comes to an end in some sort or fashion. Even humans die.

But wait–there’s something…greater? Something that takes the words “always,” “never,” and “forever” literally? Woah–hold it! How is that possible? It’s not. How is that scientifically correct? It isn’t. How can man perform such a task? He can’t.

The plain and simple truth is, it is impossible, scientifically incorrect, and unthinkable for man.

Yet it doesn’t stop there. In steps God. The Creator who daily defeats the impossible, breaks scientific barriers, and performs tasks that no man could ever dream of accomplishing. The God who has no boundaries. No strings. No birth certificate. No gravestone. No time. No endings.

Your story doesn’t end when you fail, disappoint, lose someone, get caught up in addictions.

If you let him…

He takes those failures, disappointments, losses, and addictions and transforms them. Transforms them into something beautiful, wonderful, and pleasing to his sight. He uses what you have been through to make you into who you were meant to be. You can be healed. And find purpose. And live forever. Yes, forever. Because of his unconditional love for us dirty ragamuffins, God makes a way for us to never have to see another ending ever again. This is how big He is. How sovereign he is. How full of grace He is.

No, we can’t grasp this concept of “eternity.” We can’t even grasp God. God is far too great in His majesty that words cannot even begin to describe Him. So this is when we take off our chains and rags and fancy jewelry, and come before the one who knows us inside and out, just as we are. And completely put our trust in Him, surrendering ourselves up for molding. Stepping out in faith, and letting ourselves be transformed. Transformed by the one and only true God who defeats the impossible, breaks scientific barriers, and performs tasks that no man could ever dream of accomplishing.

 

Yeah, try and end the climax, fit it into your wallet, or make an equation out of it…What’s that? You can’t?

Exactly…

 

Hold On – Michael Buble

This is just excerpts from the song…

But luck will leave you cause
It is a faithless friend
And in the end when life has got you down
You’ve got someone here that you can wrap your arms around,So hold on to me tight
Hold on to me tonight
We are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone
So hold on to me
Don’t you ever let me go

Maybe all the plans we made would not work out
But I have no doubt even though it’s hard to see
I’ve got faith in us and I believe in you and me

So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it’ll be alright
Cause it’s you and me together
And baby all we’ve got is time
So hold on to me, hold on to me tonight

Take a look at all we’ve got
And with this kind of love
What we’ve got here is enough

So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it’ll be alright
Cause we are stronger here together
Then we could ever be alone
Just hold on to me
Don’t you ever let me go
Hold on to me, it’s gonna be alright
Hold on to me tonight

 

Trust…

“Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live…”

“Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us” (Psalm 62:8)

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:3-7a)

 

Power-less

Unfortunately someone hit a telephone pole down the road from us the other night, and as a result, we were power-less for a few hours.

It was really weird–NOTHING technological or electrical was on anywhere inside the house. It was peaceful with only a few candles lit, to just be in the silence and darkness that is rarely seen or felt these days. I guess this is why I like to camp a lot. It gets me away from the whirlwind of the materials in the world, and I’m not engulfed in a computer, TV, or even air conditioning.

This made me wonder; are we too reliant on the “things of this world?” We are called to be IN the world, not OF it. Do we depend on technology or the newest equipment to “fulfill” us until something newer comes along? If so, we have failed at our job description. I had to think; would I be okay if my house and all my possessions were to burn to ashes? Or would I be totally “It’s the end of the world!”? Or…am I being more of a daughter and a sister than a friend to my parents and brother? So I asked myself: would I survive with them anywhere we lived? Yes. I am proud to say that I can make it without the distractions and materials of this world. I am close to my family, and they are some of my best friends. It is because of my family and the lessons they have taught me that I am fortunate enough to be one of few people to be able to say this. And for that, thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. Thanks Zach.

It’s the times when we are power-less that reminds us where our power really resides…

 

The Beauty of Blogging

As I sit here about to write a paper for College English, I realize why I love to blog and write poetry. They both have something in common. What is it? No one is in a higher position that has the power to be constantly correcting, changing, adding, and revising your pure, heartfelt thoughts and ideas. Both of them is writing in it’s truest form. There are no points taken off for comma splices, fragments, or anything. Just my brain spilt out AS IT IS — not ripped apart, analyzed, rearranged, and sewn back up like heart surgery. Simple as that.

Which is why I enjoy writing in my free time. No critics or corrections. Just…me.